Motherhood hit me like a freight train. 

I was so ready. I spent my entire pregnancy focused on my nervous system - regulating it, preparing it, nurturing it. I did all the reading, ate all the right foods, anticipated all the scenarios. I did the hypnobirthing, the home birth, everything I could to set myself up for the gentlest entry into motherhood that I could imagine. And then my son was born, and he was colicky with allergies and tongue ties and reflux and high sensitivity, and my entire system went haywire. I was so utterly unprepared for the reality of caring for a high needs baby who screamed all day and needed to be held all night, that there were times when I truly did not know if I would make it through, especially with any sense of myself left. 

Three months was a turning point; the constant crying settled, but life still felt so heavy and hard. By six months I was able to enjoy moments with my son, bond with him, embrace my new normal a bit, but my nervous system still could not settle and I was living in a constant state of fight or flight. I was angry at my partner, disconnected from myself, resentful of other well-adjusted mothers with calm babies, and above all, I felt so utterly alone in my experience of motherhood. 

In reality, I wasn’t alone in any of it. I was going through Matrescence, and if you’re a mother, you’ve gone through it too. We are living in a patriarchal society that doesn’t support mothers. We no longer have the village, and there’s no space to process the full mind-body change this transformation asks of us. I want to be that space for you, so you can pause, process, and embrace motherhood as a season of becoming, one that deepens your sense of self and calls you back to what you value most.